On the need to be useful

Working through a lengthy stretch of existential angst

At the end of June, I wrapped a client project that came to me completely by surprise (some would say luck) and that I enjoyed working on thoroughly. It was a 7 week project which meant that for the weeks leading up to it as well as for the duration of the project, I was fully locked in.

This was the first project of its kind that I worked on and it was also the longest that I led since starting full-time freelancing in June 2023. Naturally, I knew I needed a break to regenerate my energy stores.

I imagined myself taking a week or two off of social media, catching up on my reading list and watching my favourite TV shows.

What I did not imagine was a profound sense of what I’m calling “existential angst” setting up shop in my psyche for what has been the past month.

The feeling that predominates this collective fleet of emotions is uncertainty.

Upon further inquiry as to the origin of this uncertainty, I realise that it surrounds my current job or work. I really love working. I love getting things done because it makes me feel useful. In fact, one of the few parts of medicine that I enjoyed was making the team’s task list for the day and getting to work checking items off.

My current dilemma, and the underlying reason for this uncertainty, is that I don’t feel as though there is a palpable need for digital workspace consulting: Notion or Tana consulting/building/workspace design. It’s possible that I don’t yet have the right sub-niche or audience for this service but, thus far, I’ve observed that it’s more of a want as opposed to a market need.

For example, I’ve been researching what my ideal clients (creative service providers and online business owners) would actually hire someone for and the answers to that question are mainly social media and virtual assistance. I have no innate interest in marketing but I can see myself using my project management and systems building skills to help my ideal client run their online business with less overwhelm.

All of this is to say that I value doing good work but I don’t feel very useful at the moment. I don’t feel as though there is a significant demand for workspace building and organization as a service, at least not when it comes to the people that I’d like to work with.

At the same time, I’ve been thinking of one’s digital workspace as one would a home or interior where the apps and tools that we use are analogous to rooms and objects. Exploring ways to experience flow in our digital homes has been an intriguing endeavour, but again, I don’t see it as an overt need right now.

So, where does this leave me?

Is the uncertainty something that I let go of? Is it something that I lean into and use as a guide onto a new path? Or will it pass just as quickly as it came?

I’m not sure.

What I am sure about is that I want to be useful at what I do.

I just need to figure out what that is.

My Sublime canvas wherein I’m trying to figure out what’s a need vs a want for my ideal client.

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